Friday, March 9, 2012

Newborn Photos

Well my sweet Jack, you might as well get used to this now...there will be TONS of pictures of you over your life time. Your Mommy is a photographer. You will get very used to having me and my camera in your face, you will even grow to hate it at times. But your life will be documented...our life together will forever be frozen in time. You will like it later...well I hope so. I try to never force you guys to do anything...I just capture what naturally happens. 

This is you Jackson Ray. Three days old and so very very sweet. 

This is the chair that we will be taking monthly pictures in...I think it will be a fun way to see you grow over your first year of life!





















You are quite expressive already! You are so cute my little monkey!!



Thursday, March 8, 2012

How Jackson Ray Arrived...

Hey Jack,

This is the story of how you came into our world!

Thursday morning February 23rd we drove to the hospital. We were up before the sun and arrived at the hospital at 6:30 am...the time we were scheduled for. 
Daddy and I drove our car full of stuff and Nana and Grandma followed in their car. 
We got checked in, I changed into my cute hospital gown and signed a bunch of paper work. 
A nurse came in and was asking me questions while another one was giving me an IV...the one giving me a IV did a terrible job...she dug around a bit on my wrist then decided to move to the top of my hand...I have veins you can hit with a dart so she was pretty bad if she couldn't find a vein . The IV she finally got in was still really painful and I had to hold my hand a certain way for it to not feel like it was ripping off my hand...I figured i would deal with it...labor would soon drown out that pain. 
Maria came in and broke my water at around 7:15am...I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced...then it was time for walking. Daddy and I walked up and down the hospital hallway probably close to 50 times that day. I started having tiny tiny contractions...I had braxton hicks that were stronger. They let me go for quite a while like this...hoping that labor would start on it's own. 

It didn't. Our lovely nurse Debbie came in and talked to me about starting Pitocin. I was severely disappointed...but I wanted you to come out so I agreed. At 10:30am they started me on 2ml per/hr of Pitocin and it started things pretty quickly. By noon my contractions were regular but not progressing so they upped the Pitocin to 4ml. Then I walked some more. I walked with your Daddy, Nana, Grandma and Papa (not all at one time). Up and Down the hallway. Pausing occasionally when contractions would come. At 1pm I was at 4cm....dissapointed again. I was hoping to be further along. After Maria checked me she said I was progressing well and that we should have a baby by dark. I laughed to myself. That was only a few hours away...it gets dark by 5ish...I couldn't possibly have the baby by then...or so I thought. Jake's labor took a very long time so I wasn't getting my hopes up. 


My Pitocin was upped again to 6ml and boy did that get things going. I labored from 1 to 3...holding your Daddy's hand for each contraction. As contractions got stronger I leaned on your Daddy...he was a huge part of getting you here. He was a huge support...litterally. I stood some, but mostly sat on the end of the bed...breathing through each contraption as it came. They were big and strong and about 1 min. to 30 seconds apart. By 3ish I was getting tired and a very antsy. We asked the nurse to get the tub ready...I just needed a change of scenery. She told me to get in the shower while we waited for the tub. I sat on an exercise ball and let the water run over me. Then something happened... I went crazy. I'm not proud to admit this but transition was a very interesting time for your Mommy. I stood in the corner of the shower with my head in the corner screaming through each contraction...yes...screaming. The contractions were so strong and right on top of each other, I couldn't catch my breath (this might sound crazy...it only lasted for 10 min.). I knew I couldn't last much longer like this so I told your Daddy to tell a nurse to come in. (I found out later that your Daddy was getting teary...he hated seeing me in so much pain and there being nothing he could do.) In came Bethany, a midwife from Maria's practice. I smiled at her, glad to see a familiar face. She asked me if I was determined to do this with out meds...I said yes and then went into explaining how I messed that up by having Pitocin...leave it to your mother to have a lengthy conversation during labor. She told me she was going to turn the piton off and let labor go...then I had a contraction...a big one...oh buddy a big one! I screamed a little and felt like I needed to push. You dropped, your Daddy saw my tummy shudder and Bethany told me she was going to check me right where I was. She told me I was ready...we were going to have you. It didn't really click...just how close we were to having you. I had another HUGE contraction while getting out of the shower, I couldn't hold myself up, your Daddy and Bethany held me up through it, I pushed and then they helped me waddle to the bed. They got me on the bed and discovered...you were crowning!! 

At this moment, time stopped. I realized I was going to have you, I had done it...you were so close to being in my arms. I caught my breath, gathered my strength and pushed. I yelled "Jackson!" and then you started to cry. 

You arrived at 3:31pm on Thursday February 23rd
10lbs. 2.4oz.
20 1/2 inches long
with a full head of blonde hair
you have your Daddy's chin and half smile
and your Mommy's nose




 
 
They laid you on my chest and I kissed your sweet hands as you touched my face. I said, "Hello Monkey...I love you...my little love monkey...Hi Jackson". Ok so after labor you expect me to make complete sentences? I was so glad to have you in my arms. You made these sweet little grunts and coos as you lay there. It's like you were telling me all about what just happened to you, it was very sweet. 


You laid on my chest for quite a while...Maria was on her way and we were waiting for her (she was so bummed that she missed you...she said she knew she shouldn't have left!!). We all smiled and cried and looked at you...you were beautiful. When Maria arrived, Daddy cut the cord...squirted us with blood and then you got washed up...you hated that so much. Poor nurse Debbie, you screamed at her the whole time. 



Then your Papa and Grandpa came into meet you




Your Grandma was holding you and you started sucking on your hands like a hungry little monster so...we decided to try to nurse. You latched right on and the rest is breastfeeding history. 


Your birth was such a beautiful experience, one that I will cherish in my heart for the rest of my life. 


Later that day you got to meet your brother for the first time. This is a moment I have been waiting for my whole pregnancy. I tired not to plan it out too much and to let Jake be himself and a toddler at that. But it was wonderful. Jake walked in and was excited to see us, then he wanted to share is car with you and he kissed you and said that he loved you. A precious moment that I won't soon forget. 
 

















Then you met your uncles. I think they were bumbled that they weren't there when you were born but they were watching Jake and that meant all the world to me, to have two someones I trust taking care of a piece of my heart (your brother). They were so excited to meet you!



We hung out at the hospital for a brief 24 hours and then brought you home to start our life.


Sunday, February 26, 2012

You Are Finally Here!

After weeks and months of waiting for you Jackson Ray...


You are finally in my arms!!


It feels so perfect to have you in our lives!

You were worth the wait!


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Dear Jake,



Dear Jake,

Your Mommy is a complete mess right now. It's the night before you become a big brother and I'm super emotional about this change that is coming to our family. I don't want to leave you tomorrow. I am so excited for you to be a big brother but I feel like I'm not done enjoying you, just you. We have had a special time together, everyday just the two of us. Even on hard days it was still a joy and easy compared to having two little ones. I don't ever want you to feel neglected or jealous. I want you to have my attention, my whole heart. This whole pregnancy I have been experiencing a phenomenon, my heart has been growing, growing to include your little brother. I know the instant he is here with us we won't be able to imagine life without him. But tonight I looked at you...my heart was full of love for you...over the top-tears in my eyes...love. I have thoroughly enjoyed the good and bad of our last 26 months together. You have grown into the cutest little toddler and you have helped me grow into a mother! My heart beats for you Jake. Every decision I make, every breath I take is with you in mind. You have been my life, everything I have, for the past 26 months and it's all about to change. Not change in bad, just simply change and because of that, I am emotional. Grieving...in a way...this time we have had together. But I am so excited for what the future holds. I know at first your little brother won't be much fun and their might be some resentment but eventually you two will be best friends and playmates. You are so sweet and have such a big heart I just know you will be a great big brother! And from one oldest child to another...try not to be too bossy! 

I love you my boy!

Love, Mommy/ our moments together are forever in my heart!

Monday, February 20, 2012

The first fight!!

Yes, it's true...you brothers have had your first fight and one of you isn't even born yet!! 

It was quite the ridiculous scene!! 

Jake and I were laying on the couch...that's were we have been a lot recently. Jake had his head on my tummy and Jack kicked Jakes head...pretty hard too. 

Jakob sat up and said "No Jackson!"...he has never call him Jackson before. 

Then Jake said, "I hit baby Jack...hit, hit, hit!" and you hit my tummy! 

It really hurt and I was so shocked by what had just happened. Jake has never hit before!

So I had to explain that we don't hit, mommy, baby brother or anyone! 

Jake, you quickly apologized to me and baby Jack. It was one of the most shocking and funny things I have ever experienced as a mother...I didn't know babies could fight while in utero. Motherhood is always surprising!

Love, 
Mommy/ hoping the fighting doesn't continue!!

Almost 40 weeks...


Well...here we are Jack...if you haven't noticed you are still in inside my tummy!! What are you still doing there? OK, so if you can't tell I'm a little done...don't get me wrong. I absolutely love being pregnant and experiencing all that goes along with that. However you are probably about 10 lbs. now and are so far down. The other night I was having regular braxton hicks...like every 10 min at 30 seconds each. Then I laid down to go to bed and they stopped...super bummer, I was hoping you had finally decided to come! I know you aren't late yet so I have no reason to be this impatient. However, your Daddy just started a new job and hasn't earned time off yet and doesn't get the benefit of family time off yet. So, his wonderful scheduler gave him four days off in a row...the four days after my due date. So, you really need to come soon. Sadly, if you don't come on your own in the next few days we are going to have to take measures to get you out. I am trying everything I know. Walks, evening prim rose oil capsules, red raspberry leaf tea, stretches...I have a chiropractor appointment scheduled for your due date and a midwife appointment tomorrow. So, we will be talking about other things to do and an induction will be put on the schedule I think. Bummer. I'm pretty down today. I really really want you to come on your own. I really don't want to feel those crazy piton induced contractions. I have no idea what regular contractions feel like...well the big ones. I have read that hormones decrease near the end of pregnancy and can lend a hand in my feeling blue...well lets hope that you are ready. I can't wait to meet you. But, I want you to be ready. I just had my heart set on you arriving naturally and I feel slightly depressed that that might not be how everything goes down. I think I would really love to say that I did it the way I wanted, the tough girl way. How sad that I feel like I have something to prove, when it's all about you. Everything I do needs to be done for our health, our safety. My heart is already so full of love for you and I just can't wait to hold you and see your daddy hold you and have your brother give you a hug...oh my heart is just aching for those moments. Well, no matter what my sweet Jack I will be holding you soon, in whatever way it happens. The important part is that you will be here, adding another piece to our family. (your daddy would say you complete our family but I'm not quite ready to say that yet. We'll see...)

I love you sweet Jack!

Love, 
Mama/ ready to have sleepless night to feed you and not just because I'm huge!!