The Waiting Game

Hey baby,
I'm not sure what else to call you...little one comes out a lot but, it's hard for me to admit that your brother is not my little one any more. These past few weeks have been interesting. This time in pregnancy is not my favorite. I don't really look pregnant...you are showing up a little earlier than Jake did but I still look like I ate too much not full on pregnant belly. I feel off, not miserable, but off. My jaw has been killing me...this happened with your brother too...we thought is was a root canal issue but no, just my jaw. My whole left side of my neck gets really tight, my ear aches and my jaw throbs. So weird. It's just one of those things that happens. I took some Tylenol and applied heat and now it's mostly gone. But this time in pregnancy is most hard because there is a possibility of loosing you. It's in my mind most of the time, I try to shove out the worry and let the Lord hold you as He knits you together but my mind is still consumed. Not being able to feel you and only feeling slight symptoms of you even being there is scary to me. I love knowing that you are healthy and growing. So on the 9th of August I went to the Dr. and I got to hear your heart beat!! It took a while for her to find it, you were hiding...little stinker. When she found you and the rhythmic whooshing started my heart felt so full and warm.  You were alive and your heart was beating. You turned and the whooshing turned to galloping. I felt a huge sense of peace. Then the Dr. turned on the ultrasound machine and I got to take a peek. There you were...all 12 weeks of you. Perfect and being created right before my eyes. Carrying a child is truly a magical experience. I feel such an honor to be chosen to be your mama, to carry you for 9 months, to love you your whole life through, to teach you about the one who created you. I am truly honored. Well, I get to see you again tomorrow. I am so excited to see you, but this ultra sound makes me nervous. They are checking to make sure you are growing and developing properly. I don't get this ultra sound so we can end your life...that will never happen. I get this ultrasound mainly because I am obsessed with seeing you and secondly I really want to be prepared, for whatever the Lord has for us. We love you already baby, your daddy can't wait to find out if you are a boy or girl and we have our own predictions...but we must wait. It seems like an eternity! Wow, your mom is dramatic! We have to wait and that is that.

See you soon.

Love, Mama/ so in love with you already!