a conversation that broke my heart

Hey Jake, 

As a growing boy you are experiencing lots of emotions and we are helping you to identify them, know that they are valid and fining healthy ways to express them. You are a smart kid so we talk about you feel a lot. Last night we had a conversation that broke my heart. 

Two days ago Daddy came home from work and you hit him...on purpose and because you were mad.

Last night I told you that Daddy was on his way home and would be home shortly. Here's the following conversation,

Jake - "No, no, no I don't want to see Daddy!!"

Mommy - "Really? you were just telling me how much you missed him."

J - "I don't like Daddy"

M - "yes you do Jake, we don't say things like that it's not nice."

J - "I going to hit Daddy!"

M - "Absolutely not, we don't hit. Why do you want to hit Daddy?"

J - "I Angry."

M - "You're angry at Daddy?"

J - "Yes, I angry at Daddy!!"

M - "Why are you angry at Daddy?"

talking to a two year old I try to repeat what you said...parroting...but writing it out it seems really annoying!! Here's the part that broke my heart.

J - "I mad at Daddy for working! I don't want Daddy to leave!"

M - "You're mad that Daddy has to go to work everyday and leaves us?"

J - "Yes, I don't want Daddy to work!"

Your Daddy wishes he didn't have to work either but I didn't tell you that...it would be hard for you to grasp why he chooses to go to work. 

Then explained to you why Daddy has to go to work...to provide for us. I told you that we have clothes and cars and your iPod because Daddy goes to work. 

J - "I don't want that, I don't want my iPod!"

That really broke my heart. You would be willing to give up all of your stuff to have your Daddy home. Well, my heart is broken. 

I told your Daddy about this conversation through tears...it's a sad reality of life that Daddy goes to work but you are so blessed to have Mommy stay home with you, not a lot of Mommies can do that. Daddy and I both wish we were independently wealthy but making money takes time and allows us to do more as a family and provide for your future. We try hard to keep family first. Daddy comes home and immediately scoops you up and starts playing. We schedule time with just you and Daddy and we always play with you when we can...house work can usually wait. 

This conversation give me insight into you as well. You understand why Daddy goes to work but instead of just accepting the reality of life you want it to be different. I like that you are already questioning the way things are...yes it makes for a challenge for me but I want to explore life, figure out why it is the way it is. I think that's an important quality to have. World changers question the status quo...always seek to understand. Just don't question your Mommy and Daddy...haha...you question us all the time...but for good reason, to understand!

Jake this conversation broke my heart. You are such a smart boy. Explaining things like this to you feels like killing your childish spirit but I hope that it can help you understand and give you a more secure feeling as to why Daddy goes to work and leaves us all day. 

On a side note. I am very thankful for Daddy's job. Not only did it come at the perfect time...right before Jack was born, but we have excellent health care, a great working environment for Daddy, a beautiful commute (which if your going to have one you can't beat Monterey) and Daddy comes home happy and free of work...he gets to leave work at work and focus on his family, which he loves and is rejuvenating for him. I hope that you can find a job that you love someday...it makes working much easier. Well someone once said: "if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life!"

Love, 

Mommy/ I wish daddy could stay home too!