Kisses

One of the things I have been waiting for most happened yesterday! Your daddy has apparently been working on you learning to give kisses. Well, yesterday daddy told you, "give mommy a kiss", and you did! It was the sweetest little thing. You pursed your lips and blew until you reach my cheek, then you made a little 'p' sound! I feel like my description does nothing for how stinking cute it is! You are truly very sweet! This has made my entire Christmas, best gift ever! So what should you get me you ask? The second best gift ever, you learning how to walk. Momma is ready!! I hope!

P.S. you have had your first haircut and a birthday party that I haven't posted about, but Christmas is overwhelming at the moment I promise to post pics and fun facts very soon!

Love,
Mommy/gives you lots and lots of kisses!!

Moments I live for

There are certain times of day that my heart lives for. One being when your daddy gets home from work! Another one of my favorite times is right before I put you in your crib for nap time. I hand you your blankie and you lay your head on my chest. This moment melts my heart everyday! We both take a big deep breath, soaking each other in, breathe out, completely relaxed and totally in love! My heart soars! In that moment life has no cares or worries, absolute perfection! These are the moments I live for!

Love,
Mommy/hoping for a moment like this today!

Funny Face

Your Daddy and I were looking at pictures of you today. There were times we would laugh loud at your funny faces! You have the most expressive face I have ever seen! When you smile you light up rooms and melt peoples hearts! We were looking at one particular picture, you were around three months old and you had this little round face. Your daddy just started cracking up, he called me over and said you looked like the little Penguin, Arnold, from Surfs up! You totally did, we sat there and just laughed at your silly little expression! You are a goofy kid! I love your silly faces, they make me smile and wonder just what you're thinking.

I love you silly face!

Love,
Mommy/ gave you that funny face of yours!

Happy First Birthday My Jakey Love!!

This year has been a true joy. Not every moment a happy one, I have shed my fair share of tears. But caring for you and loving you has given new purpose to my life. I now know what I was born to do! 

Motherhood has taught me more about love than I will ever be able to put into words. You are a piece of me. I carried you for 9 months, feeling each kick and flip, each time your toes would play my ribs like a harp. I  have thought about you my whole life. I have prayed for you my whole life. 

You have taught me so much about God's love. I know the way I feel about you is just a glimpse of the way the Lord loves us. My love for you is so deep, so intense that it calls me to live life differently. To love deeper and truer than before. To live the life I was call to.

You are beautiful! You have your daddy's half smile and my eyes. Your stubbornness and desire to push the line you get from both of us (sorry buddy!). You have the brightest smile and the warmest heart!

 I fall more in love with you everyday, even the days you refuse to nap or listen to me at all. You are truly the biggest blessing. 

 This birthday of yours has brought bittersweet feelings. I am so excited, you are one! We made it through infancy with grace! But you are no longer my baby, you are turning into a little boy more and more everyday. It is such a joy to see you grow, I have loved this time we have shared!

So here's to you my sweet Jake-a-doo!! Happy First Birthday! You are truly a miracle and the best gift I have ever been given! My heart just bursts with pride and joy! You are FANTASTIC!!!  I freakin' love you!!! 

Love, 

Mommy/ currently crying and loving you!!

One Year Ago

December 8th 2009 was an exciting day. Just one day earlier we decided you were getting too big and you needed to be forced out. You were quite comfy and were not motivated in the slightest to make your grand entrance. I really didn't want to have a c-section so we decided to induce and mommy would hold off on the drugs as long as possible. See your mommy tries to do things the way nature intended as much as possible. I really wanted you to come on your own but in no way did I want to be recovering from major surgery and caring for an infant. Don't worry, if it was necessary I would have done it in a second! So The morning of the 8th we had to be at the hospital by 8am. Grandma, Nana, Uncle Alex, Daddy and a very pregnant Mommy packed into cars on the coldest day of the year. The ground was covered in frost and for a few hours California looked like a winter wonderland! It was such a weird feeling driving to the hospital knowing soon we would meet you. Soon I would endure great pain and then be bestowed the greatest gift on earth, Life! As we drove the butterflies in my stomach grew bigger and bigger! I was so excited! When we arrived my mid-wife, Maria, greeted us. She was fantastic that day. They broke my water, had me walk up and down the hallway. My labor wasn't progressing like they would have liked so they started me on Pitocin, a labor inducing drug. Let me tell you, that stuff is crazy!! I started having contractions every 10 min, then every 5. Eventually my contractions were right on top of each other with no recovery time in between. We all thought, great I must be pretty far along. I was only 100% effaced and 2cm dilated! I had to make it all the way to 10cm. Which can take any amount of time. I walked the hallway more, in my cute gown your daddy had bought me. Papa, Grandpa and all the uncles in the waiting room would come out to talk to me as I walked past. They had such a hard time seeing me in pain. But I kept walking, knowing soon you would be in my arms! I would have to pause my walking and brace my self when a contraction came. I hadn't progressed a lot so I went and sat in the jacuzzi. It was nice, the heat really helped! Your poor daddy just wanted to take the pain away, he felt so bad for me. I was doing ok at this point just focusing to get through it. After the bath I went and laid down in the bed to try and rest a little. They had me on my left side and your heart rate slowed so they put me on my back slightly sitting with oxygen. Oh man, the oxygen, just the thought of it turns my stomach. The mask had this gross plastic smell and the oxygen smelled like metal. It made me pretty nauseous. I had already thrown up once earlier in the day and I did not want to do it again! Your heart rate returned to normal and then you dropped. Oh man, the contractions came on stronger than ever and my back started to ache. Ok, I started to breathe, to get through it and the pain increased along with the contractions. I was only to 4cm! That is the most frustration thing to hear after you have been in labor for 14 hours. I felt like all of the enduring I was doing wasn't helping. I was trying to prove I was strong enough do this on my own with no drugs. Even though most women on Pitocin induced labor take drugs. See there I go again justifying my actions. Well, here is what happened. At around 10:30pm I was barely able to endure the contractions. With each one tears streamed down my face and I moaned with pain. The poor men in the waiting room were very concerned! I called for Maria, told her my back felt like it was split open and with each contraction it was getting torn more and more apart. We decided on an epidural. This was my last resort. The medicine man came in, I hunched over with your daddy watching in horror as a needle was stuck in my spinal cord while I was going through a contraction! The medicine man was great, fast and accurate! What more could a girl in labor ask for. I laid back in the bed and a warmth rushed  over my legs. I could still move but my legs felt very heavy. In that moment I understood why women got epidurals. Bliss! I was in labor, I could feel every contraction but I was no longer screaming. Until, you dropped again. This time the pain was all in my back. I couldn't walk or change position much due to the epi so I just writhed in bed, holding daddy's hand. We called the medicine man, told him this freaking thing wasn't working! It was, just not in the right spot, we found out later why! I was checked again and I was dilated fully and was fully effaced. The time had come to push!! In two hours I had gone from no more that 5cm to done and ready to push! We were hoping you would be born before midnight! With Dec. 8th as my goal I began to push. And push. This went on for two hours. Dec. 8th had come and gone. I was in so much pain and completely exhausted. The medicine man came in, dosed me up real good, Maria turned up the Pitocin and I fell asleep. It was the best sleep I had gotten in a month! You may ask your self, how I could sleep?? Well, at this point contractions were entirely normal and I was in transition, this ridiculous point in labor right before delivery where women have been know to try to check themselves out of the hospital or in movies you see women yelling at their husbands. It's a lull in contractions. God designed it perfectly, it gives women a break to brace themselves for whats about to come. I slept for about an hour. Then, in walked Maria, told me it was time, and I pushed. This time for about 45 min. You arrived, face up (that is what was giving me all the back labor! you stinker!) with quite a pointy and bruised head at 3:43am Dec. 9th 2009!! Grandma, Nana and Daddy were in the room when you were born and the men were waiting in the hallway, listening for your first cries. Which took a while, you didn't want to cry. You were perfectly pink and healthy in every other way.  Thinking of the first seconds I laid eyes on you still brings tears to my eyes! We did it, you were here and perfect! They took you from me and began to bathe you. Then you cried, screamed and screamed some more. They swaddled you and placed you in my arms. Then daddy held you and everyone came in to meet you. They all gazed at your perfection and everyone cried at some point I think! You were and are absolutely beautiful! It's such a miracle, I knew that, but to witness it, to experience it, really makes you realize how miraculous life really is! Everyone left so we could sleep. We were wheeled to our recovery room and we all slept. You on my left, me in the hospital bad and you daddy on the pull out chair bed! I woke up to breakfast at 7ish. I ate scrambled eggs and bacon while admiring you and your daddy sleeping. I was between my two boys, my family. Those first few hours in the hospital were so sweet. You slept a lot. I learned how to feed you (that is a whole other story). Daddy took care of us. You exploded poop all over your bed! Mommy discovered her love of Lemon cookies (the hospital had the best lemon cookies). They are sweet, precious moments that I will cherish in my heart forever.

I will never forget the day I met you and first held you in my arms. You are truly a gift from God and I promise to do my best to teach you and help you live the life you have been called to. Jakob you are a great boy. Already so talkative and thoughtful (what one year old loves to share? You do!!). Happy day before you were born! I love you Jake-a-do!!

Love,
Mommy/so very proud to call you my son!

A Year Ago Today

As your first birthday approaches I thought you would be interested to know where I was a year ago today. Dec. 7th, 2009 I was huge pregnant, not sleeping great, my hips would fall asleep while laying on them and I would shoot awake if I found myself laying on my left side or back (you are supposed to lay on you right side when pregnant for blood flow reasons!). You were rubbing your toes up and down my ribs and your head was way down, but not far enough for me to go into labor. I was so excited to meet you. Your room was ready, all your clothes were washed and your bed was ready for your first night at home. Thinking about your birth brings back so many emotions! All of those feelings of wonder, fear and excitement. I wondered what you would look like, what you would be like, I was honestly afraid of what labor would be like, afraid if I would be a good mommy,  I was just so excited for this journey. Your daddy and I had done our labor prep and it was all just a waiting game. I was hoping you would come sooner rather than later. I didn't want your birthday to compete with Christmas and I never want you to have a Christmas/Birthday party or gift. I will work hard for that to happen.

A year ago today we were eagerly awaiting, you!! Nana and uncle Alex had taken up residence in Grandma and Grandpa's driveway and we were all having a constant party, just waiting for you!!

You were worth the wait!

Oh, Jake you are the most precious gift. I am so thankful for you. I am in complete denial that a whole year has past. Between sleep deprivation and the total life change, this year has gone by in a flash.

You were worth it. Every sleepless night (there weren't very many, just 3 months), every selfless act,  stretch marks and every worry, WORTH IT!! You are the best boy! You have blessed my life and given my complete joy. My heart explodes every time I think of you!!

Love,
Mommy/heart currently exploding with love!!

Loud noises

I just have to write about this thing you do. Every time someone sneezes loudly or coughs, you stop what you are doing fall on to all fours, put your head down and crawl quickly towards who ever made the sound! I have no idea why you do this. You are startled but it's almost like you are concerned. It's so funny. Nana coughs sometimes just to see you do it. I wish I could know what goes through your head when you do funny little things like this. One day you will read this and wonder yourself. Hopefully you won't still be doing this at the age of 18!!

Love,
Mommy/ coughing just for the heck of it!!