So it Begins

Hey Jake,
We celebrated Memorial Day on Monday. This is a special day to remember the people who have given their lives for our freedom and those who are still fighting for it. Mama and Daddy's families got together for dinner. You had all of your uncles with you and your very loving Grandparents...you were quite spoiled that night! You had a great time running around, playing cars and being chased! While we were playing wit our new chalkboard coffee table you decided you would run around with the chalk and try to draw on everything. After two warnings, I took the chalk away, I had to pry it out of your hands. Usually you give up pretty easy, especially after being warned it was going to happen. So, prying the chalk from your hands was my first surprise. The next was you turning around shaking your fist in my face while you were red faced and screaming at me, "ba...ba...ba...ba...ba". You sure were angry. I set you on a footrest so we could talk about what was going on. As I was calmly talking to you, you threw a car past my face and tried to hit me. You have never purposely done that...I was in shock. My sweet boy was yelling and hitting and angry! I picked you up and took you in our bedroom, so we could be alone and talk and have a little timeout. I set you in the big leather chair and you yelled at me again. I firmly yet calmly told you, we never yell or hit when we are angry. You cried. I sat you in time out until you calmed down, which was just over a minute. You said sorry and hugged me, that is our normal routine after a timeout. This time I think you actually felt sorry. I saw emotions in you that I had never seen before. Since then you have yelled a few more times and have tried to it me again. Whoa buddy, I'm not sure that I am ready for this. It breaks my heart to see you so angry. I take it upon myself, am I doing something wrong? I know I need to deal with this every time it happens, I want to nip this short, as short as possible. I want to teach you how to deal with your emotions and feelings. How I do that, well trial and error...I feel like that's what parenting is, but it's scary because were dealing with your life. I have asked the Lord for grace and mercy. For myself and towards you. Grace and mercy don't mean I let you get away with things just that I will come from a place of understanding and patience and not take things too personally. Yesterday (Tuesday) was a little rough so, I was hoping for some night time cuddles. You were anxious to get in your crib and when I went to kiss you, you pushed me away. That made me cry, oh man, you made your mama cry! You growing up is hard, I'm not ready for you to not need me. Thank goodness this morning while we were playing cars you came and sat by me just to be close. That made my heart so full! This parenting stuff is no joke and I know it will only get more difficult or maybe just a different kind of difficult. I promise to do my best but, I am human. This journey of motherhood has been good for me. I have had to listen to myself and trust that the Lord will help me raise you. Other people have their opinions and criticisms but in the end it's all about what your daddy and I decide with the grace of God! See, mama is a people pleaser even to the point of being stepped on but being a mama has helped me learn to stand my ground and to not care if someone thinks I'm doing something wrong in their eyes. (I do listen to advice, it wold be foolish not to but wether or not I take it...well, that depends!) I have been praying for you, Anger is a difficult emotion to control and we need all the help we can get. Daddy and I are united in raising you and we will do everything to the best of our ability. Know that we love with all of our hearts and we love the Lord. We do everything because we love you and we desire for you be love the Lord as well. Wether this is a short phase or long. A copied behavior or just normal toddler frustration. Daddy and I love you so very very much. We are so grateful for the opportunity to raise you, we are so blessed to be your parents!

Love, Mama/ I'll love you even if my hair turns gray

P.S. I don't want to paint you in a negative light, you really are great. You are sweet, caring and very friendly. Usually you are a great listener and you follow instructions very well. These are just a few outbreaks you have had, infrequent but shocking because you are usually so sweet! Just wanted to clear up any confusion...